Miss Sunshine Says

今天，偶然的跟朋友聊到自知之明。 怎知，给他讲到一个重点了。 "人家说，自知之明的人通常都是因为没有自信心才会酱的。。"

想了又想。。 对hor。。原来，我也只不过是一个没有自信的人。

我从小到大都被人家贴上"很有自信"的标签。因为我敢在大庭广众前演讲，因为我勇于挑战，。。。所以，我就是别人眼中的"很有自信的人"。 那也只不过是人家所看到的。 今天突然一句"自知之明的人通常都是因为没有自信心才会酱的。。" 就把我给唤醒了。原来，我是缩头乌龟。 在presentation的时候的确是很有自信的。在比赛的时候也是充满自信的。但是，谈到友谊和感情，。。。自信= 0%。我没有把握能做一个很好的朋友。我不懂的如何在朋友面前表现出最自然的我。我一直都很ㄍ一ㄥ。跟大家分享的也未必是我真的感受。我真的让人很猜不透吧。我一直期望着有谁谁谁能有什么魔法的，一眼就看穿我。但是，那好像太不可能了啦。。 神咩? ==

今天，第一次一个人看电影。对咯。我就有那么一点一意孤行。有时，就是喜欢一个人。每次早到学院，其实，我都是一个人在Starbucks或者Old Town品尝我的咖啡，一个人思考些有的没的。我也有点抗拒group work的。因为，很怕遇到害群之马。。 ==。。 以前交往的时候，很抗拒他人一直问我到底在干什么。因为，我喜欢一个人处理问题。一个人做自己爱做的事。◄◄◄ 这些性格简直是很有问题okay! 最近，觉得朋友好像越来越少。就连跟好朋友聊天也不太有话题。看就知道根本就不是人家的问题。这一切都是因为自己的性格太过倔强，又带点强势。。 T__T。。我也不希望如此。

It was my first presentation for English Language and Communication skill. If you have read my previous post, you most probably know what I am presenting on. Well, we were assigned to do a TV commercial. My team chose to do a TV commercial which is representing an association named Pengasih. Pengasih is an association which provides rehabilitation and treatment for those who are suffering from drug addiction. So, we made a TV commercial which the objective to convince the family members and friends for not rejecting their family members or friends who become a drug addict. Instead, they should try to bring back to a right pathway such as bringing them to the rehabilitation center. Overall, our act was well done. The good thing is that our acting was rather impressing. The sad thing is that the ending was not very convincing. *sigh* Actually, our first plan is to make the ending where the drug addict is finally in the rehab center with his family and friends supporting him. But, I changed the plan today. I changed the ending to the drug addict finally became a successful person. Sigh. It was the biggest mistake! I shouldn't have changed it. ==.. As after we finished the TV commercial, Miss Pinky(my lecturer) suggested us that our ending should be the drug addict ended up in the rehab center. Awww... But I told her that that was our first plan. Well, never mind. What's done is done. We all know that we have put lotsa effort in doing the rehearsal and preparations. So, there should be no regret. ^^

I'm looking forward for a better performance in the coming presentation. ^..^

And,... I guess I am really in love with advertising course. =D

It was such a hectic week. Holiday=more assignments? Yeah. So true. Somehow, I can conclude that this week was such a productive one.

On Tuesday, I went to KLCC's Page One to do research on packaging design and paper relief. Unexpectedly, I found many designs that inspire me lots lots. I took lotsa pictures of the books' contents as well. (I know I shouldn't do so. But, I just can't afford to buy them all) I am not stealing their ideas. But, those ideas are way too inspiring to me. ^^. I have to thank myself for taking those photos as yesterday, I was "suddenly" inspired by one of the graphic design that I took on that day. Haha. And finally, I got the idea to do my paper relief assignment. Pictures will be uploaded soon. After looking at books for a few hours, my friends finally decided to go for lunch. (It was already 3 in the afternoon.. @@) Lunch in Chili's. @@.. Spent RM30 on a lunch! I swear I will never do this again. I don't wanna end up eating grass in future. Haha~~

After my outing with friends, I went and had my dinner with my cousins who were back from Aussie. OMG~ They are freaking passionate. Haha~ The dinner was really grand. @@. Gawsh! I am so gonna put on weight!!!

Then, for my English Language subject, my group was assigned to perform a TV commercial to promote or bring out message to the audience. We were only given 5 days time to prepare everything. So, the schedule was really packed. The act is on Monday!! OMG~ I am not fully prepared yet. Probably gonna practice more on my script tomorrow. Hope that everything will flow well.

Figure Studies II is getting more and more fun. More fun= more challenging. Aside from feeling excited of learning new stuff, I also feel worried. I am worried that I might not be able to catch up. Well, I always had my mind messed up when I learn new things. I need time to take control of nerve. Haha~

That's all I wanna update about my weekly progress. Haha.. So, now's time to write about feelings. Regarding the previous post, well, I was just a bit over emotional at that time. Don't even bother about it. Lol. I am okay now. No more anger. ^^ As sunshine as always. Haha~ I could hardly remember when my tragic week was. Looks like I am forgetting that incident bit by bit. Somehow, it is still a sore memory to me. I just need to keep myself in the hectic mode in order to get rid of the "noisy" sadness. I bet I don't have time to be sad over my valueless love. So, JJ, CHIONG AHHHH~~~

Assignments~~ I am coming.... Don't run away~~~~

=D

Leading a group, being responsible on all the things I do,.... This is my life.

I have a destiny to be the leader. I don't know whether if it's right to say that I am sicked of it. Being a good leader is way too hard. To make sure all the works are distributed evenly, to make sure everyone do a good job, to ensure every work that your members did are of good quality, to make sure you have everything done by the deadline,.... It's all leaders job. Sounds easy? It ain't easy at all~

=.=

Responsibility? This is more sickening. Being over responsible over your works is so going to kill you. It's killing me right now. Can I less bother about my assignment, at least for one or two subjects? How can I be responsible to all my subjects? Man~ If I bother less about one of the seven subjects, I think I can be less stressful now. Pfth!


////

I am dying for a good sleep~~~~~~~

I have been very patient all these times. But, it serious drives me crazy when parents are doing all these repetitively.

So you think it's so that easy to accomplish the assignments? You think I really wanna stick my ass on the chair to draw my figure drawing from morning till midnight? You think I don't want a break? You, who don't even bother to give me any support(except for financial support), why even bother to care about what I am doing. Just let me do what I want okay. I am not committing crime. I am just doing my assignments!!! Just because I am so busy over my assignments and that's why I offended you. So STUPID! Nag nag nag~~~ From the second I wake up, you scold me. When I am eating breakfast, you scold me. When I am playing Facebook, you scold me. When I am doing research, you scold me. When I am thinking of how I should start my report, you scold me. Hey, can you even stop scolding? Everytime also scold the same thing. Why you never wash your toilet? Why you never mop the floor? Why you wanna go to bookstore? Why do you need to read the books? Why do you have to take photos? Why do you have to draw figure? I feel so irritated to see you drawing and drawing. Why is there so many things to draw? HEY! C'MON LA! If I don't draw, what am I supposed to do? Eat and sleep, eat and sleep? People doing research there. Trying hard to understand the damn kao deep english which looked more like UFO language. Here you came, nagging, nagging and nagging. Showing me this and that. Throwing all my brushes on the floor. DAMNNNNN!!!! So you are expecting people to respect you when you show arrogance to people? Dream! What do you want from me? Be your slave? Help you to do housework at home everyday? PFFFTTTHHHHH~~~~ I have my own life okay! Not that I disobey you by going home late, overspending money on fashion, committing crime, playing a fool in college or so on so forth. Things that you said that make sense, I have obeyed them all. But things that don't make sense, c'mon.. You will see me obeying it in your dream okay. I will not let a control maniac to control my life. Never!

Latest Facebook update: "I hate myself for thinking too much."

People who don't think=brainless

People who think=smart ass

People who think too much=stupid

Me=stupid

=_="

Recently, there were just too many things taking place anywhere and anytime. 7 days seems to be like... 1 month? Yeah. I guess it's because I had made use of my time very well. I will never deny that I am those organized type of people. I still managed to sleep 6 hours per day. Online as usual. Play games as usual. Lepak in Youtube as usual. And the most important thing is that, I still managed to accomplish my overloading assignments. *blink* (Ya la ya la.. Stop showing off okay.) Somehow, I found myself facing an obstacle right now, which is being over concerned of everything. Typical paranoid. *sigh* If I found the key to open this lock, I bet I can do much better than now. Can I stop making design and art a complication? It's really tough to simplify everything. Yet, no matter how tough it is, I still have to work hard on it, till I achieve the level that I am expecting. Aside from my own expectation, my lecturer from semester 1 has put high expectation on me as well. Maybe due to that, I give myself too much of pressure in producing something of high standard. The more I think, the less my creativity is. Aihz.. When can I break this wall? No more time for me to ponder about this. I need to be fast, and accurate! Hopefully everything will go on well~~

My new quote: "I draw until very nice. Super nice! DAMN KAO NICE!!!"
p/s: It's just a way for me to get rid of my depression. Haha... Designers must not feel depressed okay! Designers must live as happy as possible! ^^

If I hadn't made it too obvious, people wouldn't know it.

Listen. I am not stopping anyone from knowing it. I just dislike the feeling of being talked about. Look. There is a secret, you know, I know, and story should end there. Or maybe, you can just approach me and talk about that. But at this moment, there is a secret, you know, I know, but the story did not end. One tells another that it's a secret. It shall not be revealed. But, the another tells the another another about the secret, which ends up not a secret anymore. I am not trying to exaggerate my emotions and expressions right now. But, I just can't stay calm over this issue. It's a big thing, to me at least. It's something that bothers me a lot. It's something that I care, more than anything else. It's something that..... that..... -.- Damn! Why am I even feeling angry right now? =.=

I know when I will find myself silly when I read back what I wrote today in the next 10 years time. But, who cares. Let me be silly when I still young enough to be silly.

My life has always gotta do with escapism.

Rather than staying calm to solve the problem, I chose to escape.

Right now, the same kind of illness is back. Sigh.

That was a moment of confusion, pain, embarrassment, and what else? Hopeless. I never want to know the truth for I know I will never get the answer I want. I rather leave it unknown. Somehow, people get to discover everything. All the unknown secrets were all revealed. And there goes me, myself feeling so ashamed. "Hey! C'mon! What's there to be ashamed of?" I kept repeating the same phrase again and again. But, the feeling of shame makes me drown in the misery. If the secret is never revealed, I might not feel this way. Escapism? Yeah. I rather live in the world, where I constantly lie to myself, give hope to myself than living in the reality.

Never felt this way before. Never in my life. We hardly even started. We were always friends. But, the sorrow I am experiencing now is more than what a friend might leave behind. I don't even remember being that heartache before. I guess I have fallen too deep. Seeking the road out seems to be quite impossible, but at least, I am trying my best. I don't know whether I am right for not asking for an answer from you. Do I even need an answer? Uh.. I don't know.

Let go, or not? I know it's not a one-two-days thing. I still need time.

Yes.

I have wasted 2 months plus on someone that I don't even know why I like. Yeah. It's pretty stupid! When you know that that person doesn't even like you, why do you even bother to give hope? I guess love always give the wrong guideline to people. It makes people go to the wrong way, do silly things and end up with nothing. Anyway, I had enough of this kind of experience. Somehow, I used to not embarrassed at all when I talked back about those silly things that I did when I like someone. Yeah, I "used to". But, now, I'm not used to it at all. I felt so embarrassed now. Like I don't even know where I should hide my face. Or maybe I should dig a hole down deep for me to hide inside for quite sometime. I kept telling myself there is nothing to be embarrassed of. C'mon! What's the problem now? I SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW~~~ @@

I had been struggling , whether I should give up, or go ahead since ..... days or weeks back. Or maybe when I found out that I like him, I have already tried my best not to move forward anymore. But, yeah, like I said, love makes people do silly things. I have no choice but to strongly agree with that dumb fact! And dumb facts are followed by dumb people which makes me a dumb person as well. Great! *clap hands* I have no idea why I am being so sarcastic to myself now. Perhaps, I am giving myself a cruel lesson on the mistakes I have done. I better get myself out of this holy crap. ==

I am not the kind that he likes. I know, I really know. I never see hopes. But, my heart always failed to listen to me. It ignored the facts all the time. But today, I had made up my mind. I am letting go. Ctrl+Z everything. Story ends here. No more questions, no more curiosity, no more gossips, no more. End, end, end.

Hey yo! Finally I got all my results by yesterday.

Design1:A
Figure Studies:A-
Drawing1:B
Computer Graphic:B+
Malaysian Studies:A-
History of Art and Design:A-
English Language & Communication Skills: B-
Finished Art: A

5As(including A-). Not so bad I guess?

Move on to my first day of Semester 2.
First classmate I met-Chris.
First class, my favourite subject-DESIGN 2.
First lecturer that I met- Reis(Super charming lecturer).
First thing I wrote when I got my pencil-Lecturers' names.Reis & I-Ching.
First impression of Design 2-OMG!
First assignment-150words-long-essay+pictures on Decorative Art vs Form Follows Function. @_@
First dessert in Semester 2- Honeymoon's mango dessert
First lunch in Semester 2- Pizzas in Pizza Hut
First "guai lou" lecturer-Gabriel (Eh.. Why is he so handsome? Attracting and distracting the girls~


The statements above are a bit of my laziness to talk much about yesterday. Wahaha~ Anyway, it was a great starting even though I start to feel the pressure in the atmosphere. The starting is always quite a surprise, isn't it? Uhm.. I believe I can cope with all these pressure as time passes by. Go with the flow babe~

Hey hey~ Finally got a chance to go to Sunway Lagoon with my classmates before my first semester break ends. ^^. Needless to talk much about what we did in Sunway Lagoon as you all know what Sunway Lagoon is mean to be right? Haha.. As expected, we did enjoy ourselves very much. We went to both water park and amusement park. After Sunway Lagoon, we were all exhausted like dead fish.

We went to Puchong to have our shabu shabu dinner. Woots~~

It's 3.04am now. Cold weather, warm blanket,..... Mm... This makes me feel so great. Such a great morning. If I were to close my eyes now and off to dream,I might have missed out the best thing of the early September.I love tonight. I love the things I do tonight. I love the people that I talk to tonight; ex school mates and college mates.. ^^It just make me feel that sleeping is nothing. Just watched an Youtube video recommended by my friend. My laughter cracked the silence of my room. Lol~This feeling is so great. Reminiscing the moments I "skyped" with my classmates, uhm.. those conversations are really nonsensical yet enjoyable. The way I laugh with no burden, the way I being so lame, and so on so forth,... WOW! Life can be so simple yet satisfying. Haha~ Well, I am not saying that chatting can satisfy my life. But just, those particular friends can just make me leave behind my sadness and guffaw as much as I want. *I am typing with my eyes closed now*

I think I should sleep by now. Nites~