Miss Sunshine Says

My life has always gotta do with escapism.

Rather than staying calm to solve the problem, I chose to escape.

Right now, the same kind of illness is back. Sigh.

That was a moment of confusion, pain, embarrassment, and what else? Hopeless. I never want to know the truth for I know I will never get the answer I want. I rather leave it unknown. Somehow, people get to discover everything. All the unknown secrets were all revealed. And there goes me, myself feeling so ashamed. "Hey! C'mon! What's there to be ashamed of?" I kept repeating the same phrase again and again. But, the feeling of shame makes me drown in the misery. If the secret is never revealed, I might not feel this way. Escapism? Yeah. I rather live in the world, where I constantly lie to myself, give hope to myself than living in the reality.

Never felt this way before. Never in my life. We hardly even started. We were always friends. But, the sorrow I am experiencing now is more than what a friend might leave behind. I don't even remember being that heartache before. I guess I have fallen too deep. Seeking the road out seems to be quite impossible, but at least, I am trying my best. I don't know whether I am right for not asking for an answer from you. Do I even need an answer? Uh.. I don't know.

Let go, or not? I know it's not a one-two-days thing. I still need time.