Miss Sunshine Says

dear myself, it's all about my fault again... finally, i realised that my truest friend whom i thought was, was also disagreed with all the things that i had done.. the pain in my heart cannot be described with words.. dear friend, you had given me a very very big impact in my life.. according to what you said, i am an arrogant person, i don't care about my friend's feeling, i'd got so many things that you are unhappy with.. if that's true, why you never reveal it? c'mmon! show me if you are unhappy with whatever i am doing.. don't pretend to be listener whom i trusted so so much and in the end, you still chose not to keep the conversation between us!! don't you feel guilty? don't you ever think at my good side? dear friend, i never even tried to backstab or complain anything about you at all ,don't you know that? you was such a best friend of mine, whom i care and appreciate so much.. all the goods that you'd done to me, it's all saved in my mind.. i always remind myself not to forget the positive side of you whenever we have a little unhappiness.. when your birthday was coming soon, i was the one who planned your b'day,... i was the one who rather spend the only money left in my purse just to buy a birthday cake for you without hoping for anything back.. i was the one who advise you, worry of you and care about you no matter what happens.. i wonder if you are really glad to have a friend like me.. in your thoughts now, i am just a barbarian.. i always say things that hurt people's feeling.. i am a materialistic person... YES, I AM!! I was , I am and I will be still the same old me since last time till now and forever ever.. isn't this the same old me when you first knew me? i am a barbarian since last time.. if you don't like the way i do stuff, then just walk off la. why did you treated me like a pearl last time, AND now, why did you find me so wrong these days? what had i offended you?? or maybe, it's nothing wrong with me, but it is just that you had changed... changed to a person who is so sensitive with all the things i do?? i seriously don't know......... you weren't like that last time.. you are such a trustworthy person.. that's why i am always willing to share all my ups and downs with you.. but why? why had you betrayed my heart? why must you give me reasons to hate you so much? you must you make me in dilemma now?!?!?! WHY WHY WHY???

God, please give me the strength to move on.. i am going to fall soon... i need guide, i need to hear the truth,only the truth!