Miss Sunshine Says

Days aren't as great as I wanted.

Have you ever felt that even though that you know that you can't change the fact, but you just wish to change it. Finally, things do no work out and your heart is scattered.

Firstly, I know that I cannot compare myself with other people. Or I should say, I MUST NOT COMPARE MYSELF WITH OTHERS. I don't even have the right to do so. But, each time I see my friends hanging out together or each time my best friends wishing that I could go out with them, my heart truly aches. Yesterday, one of my friends asked me if I can watch movie together. I know I can't! It wasn't the first time already. I am always grounded and I am always learning to get used to fact that I have no freedom. And yeah, many of my friends too said, after SPM then we can hang out together already. But,..... there were many nights that I covered myself in the blanket and cried, wondering if I can keep all the promises. My sister, who is already 22 years old, does not have the freedom to hang out with friends. What about me? I seriously don't know how to reply my friends when they started to say, "Tell your mom that you need to relax.." , "Tell your mom I belanja wan k.. You have no need to spend money..", "Tell your mom that it will only take a few hours.. " . Sorry guys. I hope you guys will not feel disappointed even if after SPM I am still grounded at home.
(Looking at the pictures without my face in it is making the wound goes deeper)

Secondly, friends. This one, I should say, I am so confused. She can be so nice to me in a few days as though we were best friends for centuries. But, after a few weeks, she treated me so coldly, with no reasons. During her saddest time, I was there for her. But, after she got rid of those sad stuff, she doesn't seem to bother about my existence anymore. I am confused by her action. This confusion made me uncertained each time I see her. Even if she talked to me, I would start wondering, was she caring or was she just faking? *sigh*

Thirdly, money. I do not wanna reveal my allowance per month here. True friends will definitely know that. I am seriously suffering. With that amount of money, I gotta spend on buying gifts for friends on their birthdays. Sometimes, when I need to get something for myself, like stationeries, books, or albums, I have to use my own allowance to pay for it. When it comes to the end of the month, I will have a little of money left, or sometimes, I don't even have a cent left. And just now, my mom said, since I have one-week holidays, she wanted to deduct my allowance. I immediately broke down and cried! I can't take it anymore.. Each time I hear my friends telling me how many hundreds have they used, I could feel an arrow piercing through my heart. Because, I know it is really hard to earn money! Besides, seeing them talking about how they get things that they love is making me feel inferior.